I found a light, a lantern on my life. There was a long time, so long time, i'm living in disguise, there was many times i asked myself "i have everything, but i feel lost, empty." , i found the answer.
BECAUSE I HANG A HOPE/EXPECTATION ON HUMAN, NOT ALLAH.
I pray 5 times a day, i hear and i read many times "only hold on Allah, cause Allah know what you do not known. Maybe you like something but its bad for you, or maybe you hate something but its good for you, Allah know the best." I know that words, but i can't take it on my heart, cause my heart is black, full of sins so i can't see clearly. Allah always kind to me, there was hudred maybe billions time i make a sins, but My Lord still.. guide me His way, His light. To be honest i shame on my self, i feel, so unapropiated to pray and ask to Allah for many thing. I often forgot my God when i'm happy, but when i've a trouble, i cry to My Lord ,so hypocrite. Astagfirullahaladzim.
That day, i realize, He is the one, the almighty, Allah.S.W.T who determine everything. We plan A, with 1000% faith that plan will be success, we became arrogant, whereas we are nothing even we conquer this planet, we're just a dust of dust! we forget, there's the one who determine everything, Allah. Once you make other thing higher from God, then God put a restless feelin on your heart, if you have that feel, eventhough you've 1 tons gold, ferari, money, and everything you will never be happy, never. The more we love a thing, the farther we are from God. Deeper we love into something, the more we suffer, cause we hang on a weak thing, and thing is not immortal. Don't expect from people if you do something, do something because God love it, then you'll never be dissapointed.